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Remembering 9/11 in Washington, D.C. - The Quality of our Relationships Impacts Our Capacity to Heal

Visit 911day.org to pledge
your good deed.

Where were you when you learned about the attack on the World Trade Centers and who did you call first?

I imagine most of us, regardless of how far we were from New York City or Washington, D.C. on September 11, 2001, remember exactly who we called first.  We most likely talked soon with those who were near and dear to us.  I remember feeling so vulnerable that day.  I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah and the first person I remember talking to was my new found love of my life who was living 30 miles away in Provo.  When crisis hits our instinct is to reach out to our attachment figures.  We seek connection.  We seek comfort and safety...which is what a secure attachment figure provides.

Now here I am in living in Washington, D.C.  I've heard friends recount their experience that day.  They walked home from work no matter how many miles.  It must have been an intense experience to be walking down I-395 with thousands of other people.

EFT Trainer, George Faller, LMFT is a recently retired lieutenant of the FDNY.  Having begun his education to become a therapist in 1995, George brought EFT to the emergency responders and his firefighter colleagues after 9/11.  He shares his experience on NBC here: Changed by 9/11, firefighter counsels peers.  Likewise, the EFT community in Colorado has extended support to Denver Police Officers and their partners.  As you can imagine, the article says, "many people in the department (and in the world)..."are suspicious of and tend to avoid situations that employ words such as 'emotion, therapy, love, attachment and bonding.'"  But EFT has been tried and tested and has proved to be the answer to a healthy love relationship, a central component to healing from traumatic life experiences.  

Sue Johnson's book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love contains a chapter about the power of love to heal traumatic wounds.  Her research has She explains how "the quality of our central relationships affects how we face and heal from trauma, and as everything moves in a circle, trauma has an impact on our relationships with the people we love."

As we learn about negative patterns in our relationships it is important that we understand how traumatic or stressful life circumstances affect our interactions.  If you've experienced traumatic circumstances it is worth learning how your partner can strengthen you and help you to overcome the way it grips you.

If you or someone you love has been impacted I encourage you to seek support.  Don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help.  That will only hold you back.  Find a good therapist.  If you are in a relationship I recommend attending a The Hold Me Tight Workshops (next one is October 18-19) to learn together.  If you are looking for a simple way to observe 9/11 you can simply make a pledge to do a good deed at 911day.org.

How has 9/11 impacted you?  What will you be doing today to remember 9/11?

Hold Me Tight Workshop: Conversations for Connection - October 18-19 & November 9

Click image for more details.

I'm again looking forward to a wonderful weekend in October.  Seems far away now, but it always comes fast once the groove of Fall gets going.

On October 18-19 we will be hosting Part I of the Hold Me Tight Program in McLean, VA.  If you don't yet know much about Hold Me Tight read on.  For 25 years Sue Johnson has been researching marriage based on the framework of adult attachment theory.  Through her research she created Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT).  The results have been powerful in proving it's effectiveness.  EFT is the most researched model of couples therapy.  Sixteen rigorous studies show consistently high positive outcomes in 8-20 sessions.  In 2008, Sue published her first pop culture book called Hold Me Tight - Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.  Then she created the curriculum for The Hold Me Tight Program.  

The complete program is a 16-hour course.  It is divided into eight 2-hour sessions, an introductory session and then a session for each conversation in the book.  For each session we teach the theory and practice of the conversation, show a video clip of Sue guiding a couple through the conversation, break for structured couple exercises, and regroup for discussion.

Part I takes couples through the first 4 conversations.  These 4 conversations build upon one another.  As couples learn the material and the follow the guided exercises they sink deeper into connection in the most remarkable way.  Couples can experience a new kind of connection with their partner that can be transformative by just participating in Part I.

Part II covers the final 3 conversations.  Conversations 5 and 6 address critical and at times challenging elements in a love relationship - forgiveness and sex.  Couples have more success with these conversations once they have recognized and begun shifting negative patterns in their relationship.  For this reason we offer these as a separate workshop.  Couples may choose to sign up for both simultaneously or wait to take Part II with the next go around.  They may also choose to process these in couples therapy with an EFT therapist.  In Part II we also cover conversation 7 in which couples create a road map for deliberately maintaining and fostering this new found connection.

More details here and here.

Click to register.

Date Night - Friday, September 13

I'm really excited for our date night.  Here are some details in case you are wondering:

What's the plan?

7:00 - 8:00 p.m.        Relationship education and tools for connection

8:00 - 8:30 p.m.        Couples break for some guided application in a private setting

8:30 - 9:00 p.m.        Regroup for discussion

9:00 - 10:00 p.m.      A brief dance lesson and dancing

Who should come?

Anyone who wants to enhance their relationship and learn some ways to connect on a deeper level and add a little more spark and romance.

What can I expect to get out of this evening?

Couples who have not attended can expect to get an introduction to the book Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson and begin applying these tools to their relationship.  Couples may choose to continue the work by signing up for a full workshop ($50 discount for those who attend Date Night).

Couples who have previously attended a Hold Me Tight Workshop will meet separately.  This is a chance to reconnect with other couples, revisit and solidify the concepts, fine tune your understanding of the cycle, and explore your connection through dancing.  If you have specific questions to address please let us know beforehand.

What if we don't dance?

We have asked a couple who dance to come and provide a brief lesson.  I think they are going to add the perfect touch to this evening.  More details to come.  (By the way, I don't dance either, but I'm hoping my husband can come and we can learn together.  I'm a little nervous to be honest.)

Register here.

Book Review: Parenting From the Inside Out, by Daniel J. Siegel

Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have only read 3-4 chapters of this book, but I am loving what I am getting out of it. This is a great book for all parents to read. It helps you examine your emotional world in relation to your child, which I find key to any successful attachment/relationship. I think this is one that I'm going to want to spend some real time with.

I love that there are exercises at the end of each chapter. Here are a few samples:
1. Think of an experience from your own childhood where your reality was denied. How did it make you feel? What was happening to your relationships with your parents during that experience? p. 94
2. Think of a time when you and your child had a different reaction to the same experience. Now try to see the events from your child's point of view. How did you appraise the meaning of the experience differently? How do you think that your child would react if you offered her a view into how you have made sense of the experience through her eyes? p. 72
3. Reflect on times when you have entered low-road states with your children. How have you acted at such times? How have your children responded to you when you were on the low road? Can you recognize the sensation when you are leaving the high road? Knowing your triggers and being able to recognize when you are entering the low road are the fist steps toward changing the way they may be influencing your life and your ways of relating to your children. p. 170

Happy reading and happy parenting!

View all my reviews

It's Not About the Nail

I love this!


It's Not About The Nail from Republic Content on Vimeo.

Darling, I'm here for you

I love this.  Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Hold Me Tight Program are about learning how to do these things with your partner.