Acceptance, Tara Brach, and the Brain

Soon you'll be seeing a guest post on a blog called Doe a Deery about acceptance.  (Here it is.)  I talked about how acceptance is a verb...which simply means that in order to really know if we have acceptance deeply rooted in us we need to look at ourselves and see if we practice it day to day.  I listed ways in which we act when we are practicing acceptance and those which indicate that we aren't.  Take a moment to look them over.  Here you can read more about what to do when you catch yourself in some of the behaviors listed.

I attended the Psychotherapy Networker on Saturday in D.C.  I was there for a one day workshop with Sue Johnson and James Coan about how the brain processes emotion and what this means for me as a therapist.  Fascinating, what a dynamic teaching team.  Informative and entertaining.  (I learned that I need to help my couples learn to do more sweet talking to one another's amygdala.)  

The keynote speaker was Tara Brach.  What a fabulous way to start this day.  This woman is like the female Dahai Lama!  So soothing to hear her speak...that soft, calming, voice is healing in and of itself. Her insight regarding peace, acceptance, presence, and allowance were moving.  Here are a few gems from my notes:

• Our brains have the capacity to move from the innate fight or flight response (to stress and conflict) to a new response of tend and befriend.  
• As humans we strategize ways to give us a temporary feeling of worthiness or connectedness (see the behaviors I listed on Doe a Deery).  She calls these false refuges.  They are also often referred to as defense mechanisms.  
• Self-judgement is the most pervasive suffering in our culture.  We tend to go to self-judgment when we encounter a stimulus that sends our thoughts to 'something is wrong or something is missing', which makes it's way to 'something is wrong with me.'  

She described two strategies for managing difficult emotions.

• Concentration - Concentration is noticing and sitting with what is happening in the moment.  Bringing your thoughts and surrounding into consciousness and awareness.  Notice and allow.
• Mindfulness - Mindfulness (and meditation) de-conditions the feeling of something is wrong, something is missing.  It is the process of asking 'what is happening right here?  Can I be with this?'  Recognize it and allow yourself to be with it.  Then consent to it.  Choose presence.  

Here are a few things from youtube.

This one is on self-compassion:




This one is about radical acceptance, asking ourselves "what's it like to be in another's shoes- to be experiencing another person's hopes and disappointments, hurts and fears?":

And one about gossip: