Book Review: Win the Whining War & Other Skirmishes

I like parenting books. It just makes parenting a little easier. However, because there is no single formula that works for every child/parent combination I don't recommend that parents read only one book. I recommend they read 3 to 5 and take what they want. Fill your bag with tricks, try them on for size, and pull them out as you need them. Over the next couple months I will be writing reviews for books that I have found most useful. If you have read them please share your comments.

Win the Whining Wars & Other Skirmishes is one of my first recommendations. Not all parents will find this to be all they need, but every parent needs to know how to praise in the way described in this book. You will learn how to praise in a manner that will change behavior. Praise might seem easy and obvious, but there is a skill to it. It is not only a matter of phrasing, but also timing. Within 3 days of using the methods from this book I noticed changes.

I'll share the basic premise. You categorize your child's behaviors into desirable (getting dressed, saying thank you), undesirable (annoying behaviors such as whining, talking back), and intolerable (harmful behaviors such as hitting, riding bike into the street). You praise the desirable, ignore the undesirable, and punish the intolerable.  However, I do disagree to some extent on the ignoring strategy.  There are times when our child is behaving poorly because they desperately need our attention and ignoring them could make them feel insecure.  Learn to know your child and try to look at the emotions driving their behavior.  And when you punish be sure to let them know you love them to pieces even when you don't like their choices.

If you are a parent please take some time to read this book. It will boost their confidence, give your child a better sense of how to please you, and ultimately enhance your relationship with your child.

And always remember the positive to negative interaction ratio in any relationship should be 10:1!